“My body image has never been good,” Julius said.īut maybe the most startling confession Julius made was that, for the first time in his 22 years, he is starting to learn how to love himself. He wore a burgundy sweater and khakis, telling the crowd that it takes him an hour to pick out clothes every day until he finds something that makes him look skinny enough to appear in public. He nervously held a microphone and began reading a speech to hundreds of his peers, tracing the arc of his descent into a binge-eating disorder. Louis, leaving behind State College and a college football program in the midst of its return to national prominence - Julius returned to campus and stepped on an auditorium stage on a Monday night in November. Less than eight months later - after turning over the pills and checking into a rehabilitation clinic in St. He told a team trainer that if he was left to return to his apartment alone, to his stash of pills, he would attempt suicide for the second time in three years. He no longer cared that he was the Nittany Lions’ kicker affectionately nicknamed “Big Toe.” He no longer cared whether he lived. That's what Joey Julius kept telling himself in March, when he walked into Penn State's football facility on a Monday morning and stepped on a scale for the first time in weeks. The plan had been to swallow 50 sleeping pills and end it.
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